Planning to Plan

Before DF proposed, we talked a lot about how we would do a wedding when we got married. There was talk of a small, ten person soiree, cost effective and intimate.

Then he put a ring on it. All those ideas went out the window.

I should NEVER have bought bridal magazines.  There were so many beautiful ideas. I loved them all. So now, I am overwhelmed with decisions. In fact, I've changed my mind about what I want about three hundred times. The only things I know for sure:

#1. I want to marry DF.
#2. I want peonies for my bouquet.
#3.
#4.

That's it. That's all I've been able to nail down.

Ladies and gentleman, I'm a deadbeat bride. 

DF is being patient and kind. But he really wants to get the ball rolling now that we are in January and 2011 is fresh and ready to be tainted by stressful wedding planning.

I'll make a confession. I always thought I would have my wedding in the house I grew up in north of Boston. My parents lived there for 25 years. Tragedy: they sold our house in 2005 when they moved down to Florida. Parents went to Florida. I went to Seattle.

The thing is, I loved our house. I loved growing up there. I loved the front staircase where we took prom pictures. I loved the huge, flat backyard. I loved our neighborhood and all our neighbors. I was so devastated when they sold our house that I immortalized it by getting my one and only tattoo on the inside of my ankle. It's our house number. (Yes, I am that sappy.)

Permanent heartache.

So the truth is, because I can't get married in the house I grew up in, I don't want to get married anywhere. Or so it seems. Honestly, I would just like to wake up in the morning and poof! be married to DF.

Marriage isn't the problem. Location is.

Plus, my zodiac sign is a Cancer and we are homebodies. I always wanted to get married at a family house and now that's not an option.

So, DF has been gently pushing me to make some decisions. It seems that location is the first thing we need to nail down before we can make any other choices. Now what?

Do we do a ten person wedding and forgo my entire extended family and friends? Or do we go all out and make the guest list 200 people?

Plus cost. More than a wedding day, I'd like a house. We are going to have a wedding day regardless. But if we spend the megabucks, we may have to hold off much longer on buying a house.

Plus the hurt feelings. If I don't have the 200 person wedding, will my friends and family understand?

It's all too much and overwhelming.

I need to start somewhere. By January 31st, I need to give DF and answer. Small and intimate or the big freak show.

Stay tuned.

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